Does Your Wife Drive You Crazy?
You're not annoying, you're endearing!
Talk about a win-win:Believing in your partner’s ability to change won’t just help her do it—it’ll also make you happier with your relationship, suggests a new study of couples in the journalPersonality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
In a series of experiments, people who said their partner was capable of self-improvement ranked their relationship quality more positively and felt more secure in their union than those who didn’t think that change was going to happen. This held true even for those who thought their partner could be doing more to boost his or her interpersonal skills.
“People who believe that their partner is capable of change are more likely to see their partner’s efforts in a positive light,” says study author Chin Ming Hui, a graduate student in Psychology at Northwestern University. (Need a place to start? Read 20 Little Changes for a Healthier Life.) On the other hand, if you don’t think that change is possible, you’re more likely to ignore those efforts and dwell on her less desirable traits.
The good news: Even if being a relationship optimist isn’t in your nature, you can still use the study’s findings to make things better at home. (Learn how to Make Monogamy Hot.) “Try to deliberately detect and appreciate subtle improvements that are happening in the relationship,” Hui says. For instance, recognize that she diffuses a fight before it picks up or takes a moment to see things from your point of view.
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